Bitterness

Tonight I had one of those amazing spiritual experiences, the kind that don't happen frequently because they are so special.  I went to tithing settlement.  I have gotten to know my singles ward bishop a little bit but he doesn't really know much about me.  After going over the actual tithing settlement, he asked me if we could kneel down and pray together.  He wanted to know if there was anything specific that I wanted him to mention in the prayer and there were a few things that came to mind.  As he prayed, the Spirit just flowed with such power and peace into the room.  He was specific and sincere in his prayer.  My heart was opened and I felt so close to my Heavenly Father and my Savior.  I felt like they were talking to me, not with words but through my feelings.  I felt of their love and their concern for me.  Through the words of my inspired bishop, I knew without a doubt that they are aware of me.  As I let those wonderful feelings continue to enter my heart, I realized that bitterness was slowly leaving at the same time.  Without knowing it, I finally recognized that I have been harboring feelings of frustration and pain against the Lord.  I think that I have subconsciously blamed Him when things have gotten rough or challenging over the past couple of months.  I have connected the trials that I have faced with punishment from Him.  I wanted to weep as I discovered these awful feelings that I had allowed to enter my heart.  The only way to get them all out was by allowing positive feelings and truth enter my heart.  As my bishop continued to pray, the bitterness slowly leaked out.  It was like I received a glimpse of the bigger picture and realized that any trial that I am facing right now is for my good.  If I turn to the Lord during times of difficulty then I will become more like Him.  Last night I was reading a quote in the Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball.  I don't know why, but I have always had such a great love for President Kimball and his wife.  His words always touch me.  This is something that really stood out to me last night and came back to my mind with the experience I had tonight:

Do you want guidance? Have you prayed to the Lord for inspiration? Do you want to do right or do you want to do what you want to do whether or not it is right? Do you want to do what is best for you in the long run or what seems more desirable for the moment? Have you prayed? How much have you prayed? How did you pray? Have you prayed as did the Savior of the world in Gethsemane or did you ask for what you want regardless of its being proper? Do you say in your prayers: “Thy will be done”? Did you say, “Heavenly Father, if you will inspire and impress me with the right, I will do that right”? Or, did you pray, “Give me what I want or I will take it anyway”? Did you say: “Father in Heaven, I love you, I believe in you, I know you are omniscient. I am honest. I am sincerely desirous of doing right. I know you can see the end from the beginning. You can see the future. You can discern if under this situation I present, I will have peace or turmoil, happiness or sorrow, success or failure. Tell me, please, loved Heavenly Father, and I promise to do what you tell me to do.” Have you prayed that way? Don’t you think it might be wise? Are you courageous enough to pray that prayer?²⁹

 I know that I need to purify myself, cleanse myself of all bitterness.  I need to turn to the Lord and Heavenly Father in prayer.  I need to have more faith and trust in them.  I need to draw unto them because they are just waiting to help me.  They are waiting to help all of us....if we will let them.