It is amazing to me how closely the words joy and pain are related. I don't think that I realized how often they compliment each other until my mission. I remember that so often I would feel so much joy whenever we would find someone to teach or when an investigator would keep a commitment and then, seconds later, I could feel so much pain as someone would reject the message of the restored gospel. It was really an emotional roller coaster! It always made me think of the 36th chapter of Alma where he talks about his conversion. Some of the words and phrases that he uses to describe how he felt before he was converted include: fear, racked with eternal torment, harrowed up to the greatest degree, pains of hell, inexpressible horror, encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. Those are some pretty descriptive words and phrases and they explain pain really well. And then Alma goes on to explain how he felt as his thoughts turned to the Savior and His infinite atonement: joy, marvelous light, exquisite and sweet. Now that is how I want to feel all of the time! However, because I am mortal and because I have agency I know that I will experience both joy and pain; sometimes because of my own choices, sometimes because of my circumstances, and sometimes because of the choices of others. There have been times that I have wished the pain would be gone, but then I realized that the joy wouldn't be so sweet without the pain. So, as much as I may not love feeling the pain, I am thankful for both joy and pain.
Today I felt both of those emotions. I feel them everyday. But today I felt them both very definitely. When I got home from dinner at my aunt's home, I saw a message on my Facebook that Joanne was called to serve in the Manchester England mission and that she will be reporting to the MTC on March 1. YAY! I was automatically filled with that sweet and wonderful joy! Joanne is someone that I met in my second area on my mission. She is my age and she was investigating the church. While I was serving in her area, she was baptized! The day she was baptized was one of the most special and memorable days of my mission! Her happiness and joy and light radiated from her. It was apparent at that time that she loved her Heavenly Father and Savior and that she was committed to following them. She has continued to do that and now she is going to serve a full-time mission! That news definitely brought me a lot of joy.
Moments later, as I was talking to my Mom and Dad and Brooke, we started to talk about those people who are less fortunate than we are, especially young children. We talked about their circumstances and the things that they struggle with. I started to feel so overwhelmed and helpless as I thought of the many children around the world who are mistreated, abused, starving, sick, or lacking love and care. I started to feel pain, a lot of pain. It was almost unbearable until my thoughts turned to the Savior. He is aware of them. He has felt what they have felt or are feeling. He is there for them to help them. Although things may not be fair now, they will be made right in the future. My pain was lessened as I remembered these truths. I then realized that I have a part to play in bringing the Savior's love to these children. Of course I can't reach all of them but even helping one is better than none. I suddenly felt that the number of opportunities that I would have to influence or bless the lives of these struggling young children increases by becoming a teacher. My world or influence expands immensely. My worries of whether or not I would be a good teacher started to fade away because I realized that as long as I love and care for the children and have a sincere desire to do my best as well as work at improving, I could be a tool in the Savior's hands. I once again began to feel that joy.
I think it is when I feel that joy that I am the most open to inspiration. So, here is my little bit of inspiration. I am thinking about doing a preschool summer camp this coming summer. I would do it for kids ages 4-5. It would probably be twice a week for about three hours. It scares me a little to try and organize something this big so I need to know what you think. I know that some of you have kids. Would you be interested? Please let me know. This is a way random post...my thoughts are all over the place...I hope you kind of can understand what i am thinking and feeling. Mostly I hope that whenever you feel that pain, it will be quickly changed to joy, the joy that comes from the Savior.
